Puta.ttention S01E07 Season Finale: Two Bruises After

It gets really hard to understand why sometimes I do somethings, perhaps it´s the stress, the blues nor the weather, the only true thing is that sometimes I only damage myself.

As I was taking a shower I discovered 2 bruises after the last fall, It wasn´t funny, I freaked out, I blocked out and just fell down, down under.

The only true thing to say in that moment and to be ashamed was the lack of self love and jugdement.

I love you Bryan were the only words I could say to me while I was healing myself, I love you I was repeating to myself while some song came to my mind - we weren´t meant to be at least not in this lifetime but you gave me something to remember, I hear you still say love yourself - and that was what I was starting to do.

I had a long way before me and a great chance not to spoil it, so I went to the couch, and started to cry, it was loneliness, it was fear, it was impotence, it was so much, so much that hurted a lot.

So that day I stayed up til 4 am, cleaning out myself and wondering if I´m the only one to do that of the only one to recognize to do it.

Then the wait became my worst fear I was living in, suddenly the air felt hard, it felt so little, and I kept checking my email everyday lots of times, until after a moment, it arrived, it was the confirmation to go to the next phase, one month of learning and tests to finally stay in the master degree.

I couldn´t be more happier, but I felt my scar, it was there to remember me that whatever it happens, I have to love me more than ever and fight for me and for me only.

I published the result in my facebook and twitt it later, got some sms and I started to pack, as if I were leaving home forever, well this might be the start of my own flight solo.

And that night while I was thinking about a special one, I kept his tought by my side but I said loud: I love you Bryan, then I erased all, it was like a low level format, destroying the hard drive of my own, I needed new space with new memories, new stories, new love and new smiles.

I kept my friends in my backup then erased all, so this is it, the start over.

Shit I´m so scared, but I´m walking with my suitcase full of dreams, expectations and those jeans I look so great in them!

Why is the season finale in english? well actually I tend to think in both languages, it´s a ability you get when you learn 2 or more languages as a child, so sometimes the feeling has it´s own voice to express, nor spanish, english, tears, smiles or silence.

Thanks, and keep with us... the second season won´t be far.