Puta.ttention S2 E9 The saving board

Have you ever been about to die and then a hand comes out from nowhere and you get saved?

Then you get attached to that savior hand, feel safe, comfortable and in a weird way: loved.

That happened in the way out of my last relationship, I was in a toxic routine where everything was an issue and the beginning of a discussion, so my friends tried to help me but I was falling down so deep I couldn't realize that I was so wrong about staying in a place where love was the name for violence and pain.

So this guy came up, we became online friends, he was the only one I could talk to, and not about my real situation but about everything else, so I felt again like an interesting person.

Then I felt for him, months later when the violent- passive-aggressive relationship was over, I felt like I loved him, he became an obssesion in a certain way, our online friendship transcended to real life and I became so confused.

It took me a bit to realize that I was grateful about what he'd done for me but we were both hurt for a past relationship and first of all, this was friendship-only, not a trial for what it could become.

Perhaps it was just the projection about what I'd like to have in a relationship, the truth is that he didn't promise anything but friendship, so it was me who had to turn to the other way and keep the friendship as it was and go live my life in the other side of the coin. Doing such is not so easy but the healthy way to get back on the track and keep running.

So Mr. Bb was officially in the safe box and I am safe in my bed writting about him instead of getting obsessed with his charming smile.

The next step was getting back my muchness just like Alice did.